Government Cheese - Saturday August 27, 2011

Well, so much for my triumphant return. I updated this bastard at the beginning of June, promising my readers, or lack thereof, a whole new set of entries...and failed miserably. So, for everyone who doesn't know, here is a quick recap of Summer 2011.

-Tropical Smoothie closed at the end of June. I am still unemployed and living off of government money. Making that switch from Bud Light to PBR was quite the transition.

-I premiered my first feature film, "Drinks", on July 7th at the Portage Theater in Chicago. Had a great turn out, made lots of people laugh, and pretty much made my parents question whether or not they will continue to tell people that they have three children. Just kidding. They both enjoyed it and were insanely proud and supportive, even though my mother requested just a few less F-words. They still have yet to say anything about the couple of cum jokes and the one scene where Joey drops a subtle "cunt" in with his already filthy dialogue. Hopefully, they didn't catch it.

-I turned 24. No comment.

-I assistant directed Joey's latest feature, "ArtHouse Junkies", the first two weeks of August. Had a phenomenal time, met lots of truly kick-ass people, got to yell at actors and crew members all day, and Chris Heinrich taught me how to do an Indian dance to the song "Tunak Tunak". Amazing time.

-I am still unemployed and living off of government money.

-I have ventured back to the wonderful world of screen writing and am in the middle of writing my 2nd feature, which is still untitled. Won't give too much away, but it's a comedy/drama/romance that will make you laugh, cry, question your sanity, kick you in the nuts, and then send you off with a smile. Coming 2012.

-All of my friends just got their own places within two weeks of each other. The recycling bins outside my condo are no longer overflowing.

And that was my quick recap of Summer 2011. Seems like a lot went on, just not really.

On to today's shenanigans...


I wake up around 11:00 AM on Justin's couch at his new condo. Not too sure what time I fell asleep, but I do know it wasn't early and I was in rare form the night before, hence why I was sleeping on the couch. The headache kicks in, as does the angry stomach, cursing me for the many shots that were consumed less than 12 hours ago. I go to the fridge, grab a bottle of water, pack away my makeshift bed, and head out to my car. Justin doesn't have a coffee maker yet, so it's off to Dunkin' Donuts we go. The drive there is anything but graceful. I keep my window all the way down, figuring I might vomit up last night's insubordination at any given minute. I fire up a smoke to try and calm the beast. It doesn't help. Only my sweet fix can help mend this wound. I pull into Dunkin', order up my large black coffee, pay, and then gun it home. It doesn't help matters that I fell asleep with my contacts in and now the fuckers are literally suctioned to my eyeballs. I'm just a ray of fuckin' sunshine today.

I make it home in one piece, and void of any vomit. I cruise upstairs to my palace of love where I proceed to pop Advil like fuckin' skittles whilst making excellent use of my couch and television. I sit there for a good hour channel surfing and sipping my coffee. Post couch/coffee session, I stroll into my room to take a much needed nap. I throw on the 1968 classic, Night of the Living Dead, and proceed to fall into a deep sleep, serenaded by the sweet sounds of zombies feasting on humans...and the excessive painful and terrorizing screams that come with such a scenario. My brother still remains creeped out as all hell that I can so easily fall asleep with something so disturbing in front of me.

I wake up around 7:00 PM and am hungrier than a bastard. I throw on some clothes and head over to Passero's Pizza and order up a few big slices for myself. I gun it home and devour them, whilst trying to figure out what tonight's plans are. Tool comes out and tells me he and some people are headed out to the bars Downtown Naperville. While I do appreciate the invite, and I haven't had a solid overnight drunk with Tool in quite some time, the thought of hanging out Downtown Naperville with a bunch of sluts and "bros" who will look at me and wonder why I'm wearing a shirt with some band on it when, clearly, you're supposed to be wearing at least a minimum of 3 polos or something that is seen on Jersey Shore, makes me feel like I'd rather chew my own face. Plus, my government money for this week is almost out, so I won't be able to partake in Naperville's $9 beer night. Sad for me. I instead wind up watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 while I wait for my employed friends to get done with their respective jobs.

Justin shoots me a text around 1:30 AM telling me to come over. Oddly enough, or just because I got so much sleep earlier, I am wide the fuck awake, so I cruise to his place for a few drinks. I only stay for an hour, but in that hour, I have a few beers and at least three or so shots. My tolerance is starting to frighten me. Deciding earlier on that I didn't want to become completely inebriated tonight, I cruise out around 2:30. I arrive home and find Tool and some friends chilling in the living room. I bullshit with them until almost 4:00 AM, when I finally decide to turn it in for the night. I cruise into my room and throw on Rambo on Blu-ray (I haven't forgotten that I will forever specify when I watch a Blu-ray, as opposed to a standard DVD). For some fucked up reason, I just can't get to sleep. Luckily, I have a partner in crime. Natalie, a sweet girl I worked with at Tropical Smoothie, is also awake and keeping me company via text messages. We have a nice little convo for the duration of my flick. Once the carnage of Rambo subsides, I throw in Up in the Air...on blu-ray. My hope is that a dry, dialogue-driven flick should put me to sleep a hell of a lot easier than Stallone blowing people, places, and things up. Eventually, I fall asleep...around 7:00 AM.