Phil shoots a call over to Dan, who unfortunately answers. He does us all a great disservice by opting to put the call on speakerphone. I keep all of my disgruntled thoughts to myself though and I agree to give Dan the benefit of the doubt. Maybe homeboy's got some decent suggestions. However, in the words of Wayne Campbell, monkeys might also fly out of my butt.
Phil goes right into his shtick... which consists of breaking down our plans for Dan while using too many words, often losing them, and pretty much just throwing out any and every unnecessary detail pertaining to our trip, thus making it an extremely jumbled and hard to understand verbal breakdown. But, that's Phil. After about 5 minutes of Phil explaining to Dan the reasons we're going on the trip, which wasn't at all necessary in the asking of which hotel he recommends, which would have realistically taken all of about 10 seconds, Dan tells us that when he went to Vegas, he got a hotel on the strip for $90. Right there and then, I lose all faith in homeboy. Either he's full of shit, or just retarded and doesn't remember what he payed. I tell him thanks for the advice, but I think we're just gonna take care of the hotel findings on our own, to which he responds like the pompous jackass he is,
"Well, good luck finding a hotel on the strip for $90 bucks."
This is why I didn't want to call this bastard...
Justin calls his retard and asks, "Did you have a special type of discount for this $90 hotel room?" And this is where it all comes into perspective. Dan answers back, "Yeah, I got a military discount."
It's now official. The boy is a fucking idiot.
I immediately respond, "What fucking good is YOUR military discount going to do for US when WE go to Vegas?" There is a slight pause. I can tell this may have been worded to simply for Dan... and Phil, who is still trying to explain through the argument about why we're going to Vegas, like it's an important piece of information pertaining to finding a hotel. Dan comes back at me, "Well... I got a room for $90. So... good luck finding one at that price is all I'm saying."
My head starts to hurt now.
Justin now comes back with the same question I just asked, to which we get another response that doesn't even come remotely close to answering it. Then we both ask Dan if he remembers what hotel he stayed at. Again, not a straight answer. He starts naming off a variety of different hotels we should check out. I start thinking to myself, "where is this motherfucker at mentally right now? We ask him what hotel he stays at and he gives us the entire catalog of Vegas hotels. I start wondering if there is an easier way to word these questions... Nope, there isn't.
Then Phil drops the fucking bomb. The one question we were hoping would never present itself throughout this conversation. He asks Dan if he wants to come with us. I turn and look at Justin, who's eyes are pretty much bulging out of his skull as he stares at Phil with a look that just screams, "I'm going to beat, strangle, stab and shoot you." I just put my head in my hands and try to tell myself it's all going to be alright. It doesn't work.
Fortunately, Dan says he doesn't think he will be able to come with us. A weight is lifted. However, we're still on the phone with him and he's still giving us anything but logical answers to any of the questions we ask him. I then try and end the conversation by pretty much saying "thanks, but no thanks." Here's how that conversation goes:
Me: "Alright man, if you don't come with us, then your military discount means nothing. Lest we forget, none of us are in the military. And as for your hotel suggestions, I think we'll just try and find which one will cater to our needs as we see fit, rather than just going by word of mouth."
Dan: "Dude, I'm not word of mouth, I'm the fuckin' source."
This is when I fucking lose it. Those who know me, and even those who don't that may be reading this or any other one of my posts, you should all know by now that it takes an awful lot to spin me into the dimension of pissed off that I was quickly approaching. I start to yell into the phone, like a pissed off child.
"Listen motherfucker, you're not the fucking source, nor do you even come close to being one. You went to Vegas one time in your entire life, and you can't even tell me straight which fucking hotel you stayed in, let alone take into account that none of us can get any hotel for a military price because WE ARE NOT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING MILITARY!!! We don't need your help, because as far as I'm concerned, you know less than we do about hotels in Vegas, and we've never even fucking been there before. Again, thanks, but no fucking thanks."
Phil turns the speakerphone off immediately after the words leave my mouth. He tells Dan that he will talk to him later and hangs up. There's a moment of awkward silence, as I think everyone was afraid of making any sudden moves around me at this point. I calm myself down a bit and tell Phil all about my distaste for Dan's piss-poor attitude when prompted for some friendly advice. Phil tries to justify Dan's actions by telling me that he's a military guy and he's gonna tell you his opinion, and when he does, it will be forcefully.
This is why I have no use for these tough military assholes. Everything has to be done with "force." They can never have a straight conversation with someone without somehow executing their military tactics. I tell Phil that it's no excuse and Dan is just a massive dick weed. He doesn't protest. Good for him.
Phil then bombs out of the room to go take a piss. While he's gone, Justin tells me that he will most likely kill Dan if he comes on this trip with us. I tell him that he's got competition, as I might kill Dan first. We both agree that if he came with us, it would without a doubt ruin any good time we could have potentially had. The entire trip would wind up being Dan telling us where we should go, what we should do, which games we should play... etc. I want to experience Vegas through my own eyes, not the eyes of someone who thinks they know way more than they actually do.
Phil comes back and we all agree that this planning is getting to us a bit, so we bomb outside for a smoke to ease our thoughts. While outside, I apologize to Phil about being such an uptight prick and that I'm just glad we're all going to Vegas together, and it will be fun no matter who goes. He understands my frustrations and surprisingly also understands my distaste for to the idea of having Dan come with us on the trip. He says he understands, and then proceeds to back up his understanding with another very jumbled and hard to understand explanation on why he wants Dan to come. Now, this may get a little hard to follow, but this is what it's like to hear Phil explain things. Welcome to my world.
Phil tells me that he is not in the greatest financial position at this time to be taking a trip to Vegas. No shit. None of us are "at the moment." That's why we're planning 5 months ahead of time so that we have plenty of time to get money together. I remind him that he just got a job and that he will have more than enough time to put away the appropriate money. He then tells me that he still doesn't think he will have the money and that he could count on Dan to loan him some money for the trip, but would feel better about taking Dan's money if he came with us on the trip. This confuses me. I tell Phil that by having Dan loan him the money for the trip, and then paying for Dan's OWN trip on top of that, he would ultimately be spending more money, so I was confused as to which part would ease Phil's conscience.
My head starts to hurt again.
Phil starts going off on his babbling again. Throughout the whole pseudo-speech, I catch only the words "no money", "broke", "unsure if I can afford the trip", and my personal favorite "my parents just got back from Vegas." I'm pretty sure that last one had nothing to do with any aspect of what we were talking about.
Giving up on the conversation, we bomb back inside and continue looking at hotels. I start to figure that it would be in my best interest to just write down a few prospects and then just pick one and book it on my own. Once I book the hotel, everyone else will just go along with it. It's getting to hard to try and have everyone agree on one, so the only logical way to put an end to the madness is for me just to take it all upon myself to just book one and run with it. I tell Phil and Justin that we can look more tomorrow, as we're not really going to get very far tonight. They agree to postpone the hotel booking another day.
They bomb out and I get ready for bed, taking some much needed Advil to help cure my headache that I had acquired during my trip to Phil World. I jump into bed and pass out watching the Director's Cut of Watchmen.
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